Vince Vaughn Shook Hands with the President. Now I Regret Getting His Face Tattooed on My Ass

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First of all, can I just start by saying that I am the biggest Vince Vaughn fan? I literally have his face tattooed on my ass. Everyone said not to get it, but what did they know? Well, it turns out they knew quite a bit because now that a video came out of him shaking Trump’s hand at some football game, I have serious regrets about that tattoo, and I’m very upset about it.

I loved Vince ever since I saw Swingers and knew we would be together someday, and that’s why I was so devastated when I saw that video. It’s heartbreaking really to see him give basic respects to the leader of the free world. Personally, I would rather see him dead by the side of some road somewhere than see that. I’d rather see him suffering for all he put me through, and then reach out his hand with his dying breath and say “I’m sorry,” but it’s too late, and I take one knot of hair from his head and make it into a necklace to remember him by, my Vince, my very own…

Not that I would orchestrate something like or anything. Anyway, I have to go… I have… things to do. I’m so sorry, my dear, that this is going to happen to you, but it’s for the better in the long run.