Trump: “Some People Say I’m the One Prophet of That Allah Guy Too”

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Continuing his string of somewhat odd statements around religion, President Trump held a press conference in the Rose Garden, where, to a gaggle of reporters he declared, “Some people say I’m the one prophet of that Allah guy too. I don’t know if it’s true, but it could be. It really could be.”

Later, he said, “Also, they say that I’m the elephant-faced guy with all the arms. Victor, Victor I think is his name. Great name. Strong name, Victor. The Indians love me.”

The one major religious figure The President distanced himself from was the Buddha, saying, “No, I am not like him. Too fat. Have you seen him? Look at him, and then look at me, ok? No comparison.”

All major world religions have since ceased their usual worship and are considering how to take in this new information. Are we perhaps entering into a new era of world peace? The Derringer will keep you updated as new developments unfold.