Trader Joe’s to Replace All ‘Ethnic’ Foods with a Thin, Flavorless Gruel

Trader Joe’s to Replace All ‘Ethnic’ Foods with a Thin, Flavorless Gruel
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Progress doesn’t just happen gradually; sometimes big leaps occur all at once. That’s what happened this week when the institutionally racist Trader Joe’s corporation finally accepted responsibility for their privilege and promised to change their imperial ways. “Henceforth, all ‘ethnic’ foods will be removed from our shelves,” said Trader Joe’s CEO, “And replaced with a thin, flavorless gruel more fitting to our mostly white staff and customers.”

The move has been hailed as a major concession from a corporation who’s name explicitly celebrates colonialism, but will it be enough to appease activists? This reporter is unsure, but, one thing is for sure, he’s sure looking forward to drowning some of his white guilt in a tasteless bowl of re-heated gruel this evening!

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