Every time Trump enters a room full of people, he gets booed, that goes double for stadiums and public sports events. That’s why we knew it was suspicious when Trump entered an Alabama football stadium to “cheers” over the weekend. Well, you can thank the crack team at The Derringer getting to the bottom of this mystery because, after an extensive investigation, we have determined that the whole stadium was packed with Russian assets tasked with cheering the president to prop up his reelection campaign.
Yes, this is very sad but, unfortunately, very true. The Alabama-LSU game, typically a place filled with Americans, was entirely infiltrated with agents of a foreign power. Many will ask how we came to this shocking conclusion, but it was simple – The cheering gave them away. Because Trump is a Russian agent, all of his supporters, by definition, are assets of a foreign power. The cheering provided all of the information needed for our cunning journalists to put together the pieces of this puzzle and reach our very newsworthy conclusion.
What to do about this issue a different question. Can they all be deported? This may be difficult seeing that, as Hillary Clinton said, almost half the country is made up of Russian assets. What other answer could there be then? Perhaps some kind of re-education camps to turn these people into American citizens again? Only time will tell. Until then, stay strong, patriotic citizens, and watch out for the Russkies.