Sexual Fantasies About Bloomberg Up 6000% as Non-Stop Ad-Buys Roar into Their 4th Month

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There’s something about Bloomberg… That’s what a surprising new study says which shows that sexual fantasies about Bloomberg have risen by 6000% (!) since the former New York Mayor launched his presidential campaign and began blanketing every major network with non-stop ads.

The study, commissioned by Bloomberg Media, collected data from smart devices around to build a “thought profile” on each voter and then bounced wi-fi signals off of their eyelids to read REM movement during sleep. All in all, this gave very accurate description of all conscious and unconscious activity going on within the brain and oh boy was there a lot of Bloomberg going on in there!

While the study does not specify the exact size of the initial population who were experiencing sexual fantasies about the candidate, common sense tells us that it can’t have been an insignificant number, so a 6000% increase means that there must be quite a few people who really like Mike.

“The results of the initial study are promising,” said Errol Harris, a Bloomberg campaign surrogate, “And we expect the effects to grow exponentially until election day when the entire population is in such a state of arousal that they simply cannot resist pulling the lever for Mike.”

Wow! Now that’s a campaign we can get behind… with pleasure!


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