What started out as a petty squabble has become an all-out war between the two of the most left-leaning members of the Democratic Party. The feud began when CNN published a story alleging that Bernie Sanders told Elizabeth Warren that a woman couldn’t win the presidency. It heated up when the candidates contradicted each other on the debate stage and now has taken a much nastier turn after Sanders reportedly send a box of smallpox blankets to the Warren campaign as a “friendship gift.”
The package, wrapped by Sanders himself, came with a card which read ‘Here, Liz, take these blankets as a token of peace. May they keep you and your key staff members warm in the cold Iowa winter.‘ The fact that the senator had personal contact with the package was meant to throw off suspicion that the blankets were really an agent of biological warfare, but (a little known fact) Bernie has already had smallpox multiple times in his one-hundred-and-fifty years on earth, so he is totally immune.
The Derringer has exclusive information that the Sanders campaign thought that Warren’s Native American heritage would make her especially vulnerable to the smallpox virus, however, it turns out that they failed to take into account the 1023/1024 parts of her ancestry that came from European lineage with a long history fighting against this particular virus.