Portland Mayor Slams Trump for Making Him Make Him Not Accept the Help He Offered

Portland Mayor Slams Trump for Making Him Make Him Not Accept the Help He Offered
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Wow! Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler stood up and showed leadership today by calling out Donald Trump while his city descended into violent anarchy around him. Wheeler, who’s steady hand has guided the City of Portland during these uncertain times, forcefully stood up to The President’s offer of assistance and slammed him for making him make him not accept his help.

“I would never accept help from Orange Hitler,” shouted Wheeler from the balcony of his apartment building where violent terrorists had trapped him for the last 3 days, “Even if literally every resident in my city was captured by vanilla ISIS and beheaded!”

Extremely powerful words. Hopefully, more totally competent mayors will make the same decision. On a completely unrelated note, The Derringer is sad to announce that we are officially closing down all Portland offices and moving away immediately.

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