Pope Francis Pistol Whips Supporter Who Slobbers Too Much on the F***ing Ring

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You bend down, kiss the ring, then move on. You’re not supposed to put the damn thing in your mouth and start sucking on it. If you do, you’re basically asking to get pistol whipped by the f***ing pope, and that’s exactly what happened in the Vatican this Tuesday. In a video that has since made rounds across the internet, a shocked audience reacts as Pope Francis pistol whips a supporter who slobbers too much on the f***ing ring.

The media reaction was swift and brutal with many outlets asking if Christ would have pistol whipped a supporter who came to him for help. While, many of Francis’ typical admirers were aghast at the incident, he was not without defenders. The NRA came out strongly in defense of Francis’ right to defend himself against unwanted saliva-linked contact and cited a little-known religious scholar who asserted that Jesus would have been a strong supporter of the 2nd amendment, and, in fact, if he had done more pistol whipping, may never had been crucified.

While Pope Francis himself has yet to comment on the incident, the Vatican released a statement this morning asking reporters if they wanted a “mouth full of iron” and suggesting if they didn’t like it, they could “suck this D.”