The nation’s pedophiles, perverts, rich and powerful weirdos, psychic vampires and wealthy cultists came together this weekend for their annual gathering to re-elect the president. In a publicly filmed orgy with the national media, the preening occultists pointed their beautified fingers through the TV screens to tell Americans how to live in a brilliant psy-ops campaign to consolidate support for Donald Trump.
“Cows are people too!” chanted the angelically faced manakins. “Impeach Him,” wrote one starlet in abortion-blood across the stomach of her white lace gown. “It’s time for a woman to take charge!” cried one of their leaders before a giant, golden statue of Hillary Clinton was hauled into the ballroom by naked child slaves who were sacrificed upon its altar.
“What the f*ck is going on,” said one American from his living room as the re-youth-ification ritual began, and various 50-to-60-year-olds slipped out of their skins and into younger pairs procured for them on the spot.
All in all, the gathering was a massive success with the President’s poll numbers hitting new highs as the night went on.