Things got a bit out of hand this weekend as Joe Biden’s attendance of a virtual Justice for George Floyd rally led him to loot and burn his own basement. The former VP joined the rally via a Zoom link but quickly got carried away by the energy of the crowd and, well, things got wild from there. “Let’s loot this b*tch,” cried Biden as he began to tear books off his shelves and light fire to the carpeting. It would have all ended in a terrible disaster if his wife hadn’t come down with a broom and beat the flames away. In the video, she keeps yelling out, “What are you doing? Are you crazy?”
One of the rally’s organizers said they were very proud of Joe, “He really stepped up and showed what he’s willing to do for the cause. I’m not sure whether or not he knew what he was doing, but we’re happy to use him as a Trojan Horse.”
Wow. Powerful words. After hearing this, The Derringer lit it’s own office on fire and publicly shamed and fired our own security officer (who, ironically, happens to be of African descent). If anyone has any place for us to stay, please DM.