BREAKING NEWS: The Derringer has exclusive information that President Trump has engaged in yet another one of his dastardly quid pro quos, this time with the American electorate itself! The evidence is undeniable that the president has engaged in a direct and sustained campaign of bribery, repeatedly offering the American people a better economy in exchange for his re-election.
The Derringer has been in touch with top legal experts who all agree that this falls squarely under federal bribery statutes. The behavior, which is both disturbing and troubling, is yet one more notch in a long line of similar offences committed by the President in plain sight.
An extensive search of 2016 political records show that Trump (even then) engaged in the same sort of bribery, making all sorts of promises to the American people in exchange for the quo of his election. And yet, it is not just the president himself who is implicated. Since a portion of the American electorate accepted the bribe and crookedly went along with his election scheme, they must be held accountable as well. Perhaps a permanent ban on voting? That, for sure, would surely return power to the hands of the people where it belongs.