Don Lemon Apologizes to Nation’s Dirty, Inbred Yokels

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Today, Don Lemon apologized to the nation’s dirty, inbred yokels after a viral segment from his show sparked outrage showing Lemon and his guests mocking the country’s great, unwashed masses.

The CNN host released a statement expressing deep regret for any harm caused. “I would never intentionally denigrate anyone, and that includes the illiterate hicks of this country who I respect very much. I have nothing but admiration for the lives you live, whether you’re f*cking your tractor or your sister or just dying in some opiate stupor. We’re all God’s children, and we should try to remember that.”

While this apology should be enough to satisfy the uneducated rubes, the right-wing media complex has already begun twisting Lemon’s statement and trying to claim that the apology itself was insulting. Sadly, while educated readers like you and I may see past this kind of spin, the functionally retarded morons in the center of the country are simply incapable of doing so.

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