Does Greta Thunberg Deserve Reparations for Her Ruined Childhood?

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It’s very sad to see a girl’s childhood ruined, and it’s even sadder when everyone you know is responsible. Well, sad as it may be, that’s the case of Greta Thunberg, the teenager who should be at home in school but instead is forced to travel the globe admonishing the world for its climate sins. Thunberg herself said it best when she told the U.N. General Assembly that “You ruined my childhood,” and since we’re all responsible for this destruction of youth and innocence, it’s only right that we pay her reparations.

This may be a “too hot to touch” issue for some, but here at The Derringer we never shy away from the important topics. It’s a moral responsibility for all adults to look themselves in the mirror and ask themselves what they’ve done to ruin Greta’s childhood. Most likely (if you’re being honest), you’ve done quite a lot, and that’s why you’ve got to pay up.

Listen, she should be out there enjoying the sun and the air, studying for math class and gossiping about boys, not sailing around the world in a private yacht, paling around with movie stars, and lecturing the global elite. That’s why she deserves reparations, and that’s why you have an obligation to pay for them.

For those who claim this is not your responsibility, I have three words you need to hear – how dare you?

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