Churchgoers Arrested for Not Rioting in Streets

churchgoers arrested rioting streets
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“It’s a violation of social distancing,” explained Kentucky Police Chief Dale Moore as his department rounded up each and every person attending a local church, “What they’re doing is extremely irresponsible. Everyone knows the only safe way to stop the virus is unmitigated rioting in the streets.”

“It’s true,” explained one scientist from the University of Science, “Unless we all start looting, this thing could spread again. That’s why we need to lock up churchgoers and barbers. They have a responsibility to smash these streets, not populate them with responsibly distancing individuals.”

“We’re in a dangerous time for America. At any moment the virus could rear its ugly head, so we need to be careful and keep it under check by looting and beating the sh*t out of people. The looters and rioters need to separate themselves from the people trying to go to church or run a small business and show that they’re not involved with them or their whole movement could be compromised.”

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