Bolton, Like, So Pissed Right Now. Iran Was HIS THING and Now Trump’s All Like Mmmllm

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In an exclusive interview with The Derringer, former National Security Advisor John Bolton discusses the escalating crisis with Iran and explains why he is “Like, so pissed right now” at Trump and the administration he recently left.

We sat down with Bolton at a DC cocktail bar. “Like, first of all, Iran was MY THING. Everyone knew that. I was always like, let’s bomb them! And people were all saying, John, ugh, come on. And now I leave the administration and Trump’s all like mmmllm I’m just gonna go over here and blow up this guy. They knew I would love that, but like, they specifically waited until I left, which is not cool.”

“Yeah, I do feel a little left out,” he told us later in the interview, “All I ever wanted to do was start a war with Iran, and now this one’s basically over, and I didn’t get to be a part of it!” He broke down into sobs over his third martini.

Hopefully one day Bolton will get another chance at his dream. If not, that would be, like, totally tragic.