Several court documents from the Jeffrey Epstein case were unsealed this week, and boy were they a doozy! To the shock of everyone, former President Bill Clinton was implicated in their contents, confirmed by an eyewitness to be a guest on Epstein’s private island, which, for some strange reason, was nicknamed by the locals as ‘Pedophile Island.’
Clinton, for his part, completely denied all wrongdoing, forcefully dismissing all allegations against him and rebuffing our reporter’s questions. “It depends on what the meaning of banged a bunch of kids is,” he explained, completely putting to rest and further lines of inquiry.
For our part, The Derringer’s editors can confirm that we are completely satisfied with his answer and think that it’s basically a conspiracy theory to ask any more questions. Anyway, get well soon, Ghislaine, and please be kind and remember our loyalty.