The Derringer is sad to report that entrepreneur and political novice Andrew Yang has suspended his campaign for the White House. The announcement was made after Yang finished in a lower-than-desired place in both Iowa and New Hampshire. The #YangGang isn’t the only group of people who are upset by this news – here at The Derringer we had already pre-spent 10-years-worth of our promised Freedom Dividend, so the company will probably be insolvent within the next month.
Was it worth it for all these pimped-out rims we put on our news-delivery vans? Unequivocally, we say “Hell Yeah!” One-thousand-$$$$ per month muthaf*cka, doesn’t it feel good to flex? We were all like, bam bam bam. It was all lotsa good things, but, I guess, all good things come to an end. Anyway, long story short, they can’t pay us to create high-quality, news-like content anymore, so hopefully, this half-assed article satisfied you or whatever.
We’ll miss yah, Andrew! If you still want to give us money, our mailing address is below.